In order that you can understand how I became the frog I am today and the depth of my passion for the total annihilation of THE EVIL ONE, I feel it is necessary to provide you with an insight into my early life.

 I was born into a very poor neighbourhood. My mother was very old and she already had several hundred children, many of whom had children - and in some cases grandchildren - of their own. Dad didn't care about us. He knocked Mum up, knocked her about and then walked away with a younger, thinner frog, leaving mum to cope with her latest batch of frogspawn - and later, tadpoles. I don't know if it was because my mother was under-nourished or because of the physical abuse she suffered at the hands of my father, but obviously something went wrong when her body produced me. As a newly hatched tadpole my tail did not develop properly, leaving me unable to compete with the other children in the quest to reach the tastiest morsels of food. This meant that I was a very scrawny tadpole and I didn't begin to grow my legs until weeks after my bigger brothers and sisters.

My brothers and sisters gave me a hell of a lot of stick. They called me "runt" and "legless". I used to hide in a corner of the pond trying to avoid them, but I always knew that at some point I would need to search for some food - and it was at these times when they would find me and make my life a misery. As they grew bigger the bullying became physical. They started to chase me around the pond and would beat me when they caught me. Finally, I had had enough. I knew that I had only two choices - to curl up and die or to fight back. I knew that I was not physically strong enough to beat them so I decided to use my wits instead. I began to hatch a cunning plan...................